this is about you

i don’t know, it’s like- the fact that i can see you checking my website, reading the poetry about yourself, while keeping my story hidden (much like we did) it’s reminiscent of us all over again.

i cant help but feel hesitant to post this. because, i think if you knew, that i knew, every time someone signed into my site (at least twice today) i could see their location pop up on my screen, that i’d never see yours come up again.

so if this is the last thing you read on my website for fear of being caught again, just know i see you, and i saw you, probably more than you’ve been seen in some time. i don’t take words or time spent lightly.

a genuine connection is hard to come by and when you let that slip through our fingers. no matter how much i grasped, you allowed a fear of vulnerability to be the scariest thing you wouldn’t face that week.

and now here we are, pretending the other doesn’t exist, like nothing ever happened, like words don’t hold weight. almost like, you didn’t say those words.

but that’s besides the point, whether you said it and meant it, or said it and didn’t, i said it and did. so when you looked down before you walked out just know it took the wind out of me  to see you walk with such little explanation. your excuses came out, as a cop out.

i'd be here a hundred times over if you needed, but i won't text first this time.